The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:1 that "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."
There are seasons in marriage, seasons in parenting, seasons in aging, seasons in spritual growth. There is season for just about every aspect of life. Seasons within seasons, around seasons, under seasons, in front of and behind seasons. And now the word season is beginning to sound and look funny! :)
Anyway, in class the other night there was some discussion about the seasons of parenting. There is the messy season of the years with younger children, the hectic season of the years with school-age children, the worrisome season of the teenage years, and finally the season of the empty nest. Each season has it's own characteristics and challenges.
My family is in the messy season of the early years. The 4 children range in age from 6 years to 3 months. Did I mention messy? There is always something that needs cleaned, something that needs fixed, somebody who needs their bucket o' love filled, somebody who needs disciplined, and the list goes on. I don't think I could get caught up with everything if I had a live in maid and nanny! And the noise! How did I not know that life would be so noisy in this stage?!
Within this messy season of early childhood is another season. A season that I am not enjoying. So far this season has lasted 3 or 4 weeks and has no forseeable end.
This is a season when the Mommy (and the Daddy) must assert herself as the disciplinarian and remind the three older children who is boss. Particularly with the two boys. We have been blessed (blessed?) with two strong-willed little boys. One of which who is VERY strong-willed. These two sweet, loving, adorable, strong-willed boys have, for some reason, decided that now is the best time to assert their strong wills and test every boundary that has been put in place for them. Every single one!
Here is the problem...I am NOT a strong-willed person. I am what you would call compliant. A compliant Mommy with strong-willed boys is not a good combination. At least, I don't think it is. I find myself letting them win battles that they should not win without me even realizing what has happened until it is all over. I feel like we are in a war and I am losing. It has been a very hard few weeks and it will continue to be hard until I win the war....well, at least until the next war season.
I don't like this season. I am not having fun. I am tired physically and emotionally. I can't wait for this season to end. I don't understand why I have been given this challenge.
I gain comfort in this verse from Ecclesiastes 3:11:
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Monday, October 23, 2006
This Season
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4 comments:
Stephanie,
I don't know if I know you or not - don't have your full name - and please do not publish it :)
But, I myself remember those years. I had a 5, 7 and 9 year old. My husband decided that he didn't want to be married anymore and got married a few months after the divorce. It was a tough time. I remember one time, my kids had to get themselves off to school on their own. By this time, they were 11, 9, and 7. My youngest was the last out of the house. He left the door open and the garage door open as well. We lived in HV and had an alleyway to the garage. I was going to school taking 21 hours. When I got home that night, I will never forget, I had a project due and I threw myself into it. Supper? Mac and Cheese with Sausage and some peas! When I finally collapsed on my unmade-bookfilled bed at about 2:00 am, I landed on a piece of paper. It was a note. It read, "Dear Ms. Eubanks, We entered your home at 10:00 am on ... after finding your garage door and house door open. Concerned that your home was being burglerized. We could not tell if your home had been ransacked. Please call us if you are missing anything!" signed HV police!!!!!
I cried and cried and cried. They couldn't tell if anything had been ransacked. From neat nick to chaos in 3 easy steps!
and back again.
THINGS I've LEARNED:
1. Remember to put on the glasses that remind us, "God is good." Seeing the world through those TRUTH glasses changes everything.
2. Strong willed children are needed to stand up to the hardships they will endure in the world. Try climbing into their bed at night and waking them up with a kiss saying, "I am glad that you are 'persistant'. Because you are persistant, I know that you will grow into a godly man that can stand up to the world and speak about God and His truths. God gave you a wonderful gift. I am glad that He gave you to me" Do this about once every 3 months - it really reminds them, and you, how precious they are.
3. Dave Semmelbeck gave me a wonderful lesson: paraphrased after about 15 years:
"You must be the brick wall. He will push, and push and push. If you cave, he will push harder. Once he knows you won't cave, he will relax against you. If you cave he will keep pushing and the pushing. From teachers, to the law, to bosses...and finally God. Stay strong!"
It was hard, but that one is now 29 and such a godly man! I am so thankful to Dave for those words of wisdom.
How do you do it? Take courage in HIM. Sometimes you crawl into your closet and have to cry out to God. He hears you. He really does! That is the only formula that works!
Didn't mean to write a book, just felt the need to encourage you.
I have many more stories to tell..
Just as you do. and will :-)
God has placed you where you are specifically at this time and in your family with children who need you very much. Somedays make me want to run and hide - I sure didn't sign up for this type of active duty!! However, I take comfort in Phil. 1:6 - not only is God working in me to bring me to perfection, He's working in my kids and husband, too. It really keeps my focus on cutting them all some slack. God isn't finished with any of us yet. It's nice that we can all offer grace and encouragement to each other in this often uncomfortable process! Hang in there!
Stephanie,
I am not nearly as eloquent, however, the nice things about seasons is that they do have an end! When my strong willed child decides to show me how strong she is - I try and imagine how that strong personality will service her in the future! Then I ask God for even more patience than I did the day before!
Hang in there!
Tara
thank you all so much for your encouraging comments! it really does help.
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